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Comedy Humour Poetry Satire Society

How to Keep a man – one for the ladies…

You’re a beautiful, talented woman,

With a mind that’s clever and keen,

But you whine that Your  body clock’s ticking

You forget that You’re only nineteen

You constantly fret that you’re boring,

You say You’re a bit of a mess,

You constantly talk about diets,

And does your bum look too big in this dress?

You go to the clubs and the parties,

Where you hang out with your friends and your mates,

You discuss with them all in great detail,

About you’re failure to hook men and get dates,

You’ve probably tried make up and fashion,

Smart Hairdos, maybe leather and lace,

You go to the trendiest places, You wear all the latest gear,

But I’ll tell you how to pull men, girl,

JUST COME NAKED, BRING BEER!

So now you’ve landed your feller,

And you want him to be faithful and true,

The lesson to learn is quite simple,

And now I’ll explain it to you

Be a domestic god-dess in the kitchen,

Cooking meals that would be fit for the Queen,

You can whizz round the house with the Hoover,

Keep the home spotlessly clean,

You can be his constant companion,

You can go to the football and cheer,

You can wash, and iron his clothing,

But to keep your man in contentment,

SIMPLY TURN UP NAKED – BRING BEER!

Mark Charlwood 2017