My Big Fat Virgin

I’ve been away from home so long, I strayed so far away,
I’m lonely, sad, and dead inside, I hate to feel this way,
I miss the town, I miss the pub, I miss the small town style,
I miss those happy Friday nights, I miss your loving smile,

So now I seek some solace, an escape from where I am,
To find some secret pleasures, gain release and burst the dam,
Looking for a big fat virgin, to take my blues away,
I’m hunting for that virgin, need to join her now, today

So big fat virgin, lift me up, away towards the stars,
And head me out to Neptune, or Jupiter or Mars,
Blow my mind, just take me home, inside you I float to heaven,
You big bad girl, you take me high, you mighty seven four seven

 

 

Boeing 747-400 Preflight

Jumbo Pre-flight

Whilst our Jumbo’s on the ground,
Before each flight, we must walk round,
And carefully check so many things,
Are engines fixed, likewise the wings,
Are panels shut, are windows clean,
Do Nav lights work, do lenses gleam,
And as a safety conscious fellow,
Be sure to wear your vest of yellow,
To help you check before night flight,
Be sure to use your bright flashlight,
Do just what the FCOM says,
Check the tyres, and gear door bays,
Check the cowls, and drain mast pipes,
Inspect the engine pylon stripes,
Look at the fin, and check the slats,
The lightning wicks, and Fowler flaps,
For safety’s sake – what could be worse?
Than looking forwards whilst in reverse!
Check the brakes and steering too,
The vacuum outlet for the loo,
The outflow valve, the pitot head,
Oh boy – you should have stayed in bed,
Cos whilst you check in pouring rain,
The captains eating food – AGAIN!